“Dadirri” — how to powerfully listen to calm our crazy world of work & life

“Dadirri” is a word from an ancient Indigenous Australian language that broadly means to “listen deeply with positive regard”. While it may be thousands of years old, the idea of really powerful listening is well suited to our chaotic contemporary times, be it in our personal or professional lives.

And chaotic and potentially confusing, our current era truly is. It’s well documented that typical office-employed people can:

· See up to 1000 brand-related and some 5000 overall communications messages per day (when we consider all advertising, billboards, radio, emails, texts, TV, internet etc);

· Get on average 120 emails per day, according to the Harvard Business Review[1], and;

· Participate in several What’s App type chat groups for family, friendship, hobby- and job-related reasons.

As a result, we’ve become extraordinarily adept at “filtering out” most of what we feel isn’t personally relevant. For example, try right now to remember even one of 1000 brand pitches you’ve been somehow exposed to today. Not easy, huh?

We’re also developing another super power: being super speedy at processing information we do feel we need. When I write for newspapers, I know that editors partly assess articles based on how long they are and how long it takes people to read them. Behavioural researchers have data that our attention spans are in decline due to both the volume and diversity of information we’re subjected to.[2]

The problem with these new survival skills is that they also erode our ability to truly listen to and really hear each other on merit and without judgment. The habit of preparing one’s own responses in a conversation — rather than genuinely engaging with what the other person has to say or the needs and emotions they need to express — is widespread. We also seem willing to dole out any manner of opinion and advice when the person we’re meant to be communicating with hasn’t asked for it. Exhibit A: your Facebook or Twitter feed.

That’s the context that puts the power into “dadirri” or powerful listening. It’s respectful in an age where respect can be lacking. It’s patient where impatience abounds. It’s human connection rather than digital distraction, which is made only more intense via Zoom etc. It’s about tapping the emotional — which is 80% of our decision-making — rather than the rational alone.

Simply by being so simple, powerful listening helps cut the clutter and calm the noise that some many of us daily experience.

As one very important example that I know from my volunteer time as a Telephone Crisis Supporter for Lifeline, the Australian crisis support and suicide prevention hotline, this type of listening is so effective that it regularly saves lives of people at their darkest moments. Think about how you felt when somebody really, really listened to you when you need to share something vitally important.

Indigenous Australians aren’t alone in understanding the effectiveness of the practice. Many other traditions also speak of it. Here’s a great quote from Thich Nhat Hanh, a leading Buddhist teacher:

“Do your best to practice compassionate listening. Do not listen for the sole purpose of judging, criticizing or analyzing. Listen to help the other person express himself, but also find some relief from his suffering.”

While the results can border on the magical, there’s no magic needed to the practice of powerful listening, be it at the kitchen table or the workplace. Here’s a methodology I’ve shared during some of my workshop / strategy sessions with the executive teams and Boards of major companies and NGOs.

I call it the PACT of powerful listening because practicing powerful listening is much like a promise to yourself and the people in your life, family, workplace, and community.

PAUSE your ego & agenda: be fully present & don’t judge.

ASK questions — both contextual & emotional, both upside & downside:

• “What are the key opportunities you see here for yourself or your organisation?”
• “What are our key assumptions here?”
• “What excites you most about this situation?”
• “What’s worrying you most about this situation?”

CONNECT through emotion not rationality:

• Am I hearing that you are angry / sad / optimistic / hopeful?”
• “Is it fair to say you’re feeling a bit anxious or is it something else?

TUNE IN by paraphrasing & summarising:

• “So, you’re frustrated that your organisation isn’t being heard by the Government / customers / clients / suppliers?”
• “If I’ve heard you correctly, is it right that your priorities are X, Y, Z?”

[1] https://hbr.org/2019/01/how-to-spend-way-less-time-on-email-every-day#:~:text=The%20average%20professional%20spends%2028,120%20messages%20received%20per%20day.

[2] https://www.theguardian.com/society/2019/apr/16/got-a-minute-global-attention-span-is-narrowing-study-reveals